Silence is Death

October 4, 2008

I am currently looking for mentors.  I will tell you more about the motivations behind this in another post.  However, I am currently pushing this forward well.  I met a guy for breakfast this morning, and I am meeting four other guys this week to discuss the possibility together.  It’s kind of exciting, but also scarey!

So, I met this guy for breakfast this morning.  He is in his mid-40s and leads a church men’s small group that I go to.  I really have appreciated him leading the small group - he has come across as very solid in his beliefs, and a committed Christian man.  He also comes across as self-assured and determined.

I decided I would tell him about my struggle with homosexuality as a precursor to discussing mentoring with him.  He had asked me to breakfast, and I really appreciated that - it’s probably partly why I thought he might be a potential mentor.  Anyway, as soon as I told him that I struggled with homosexuality, he told me that he did as well.  This was a bit of a surprise but then it sank in and made some sense to me - for one thing, he is not married.

We discussed some stuff about our lives.  I realised that I had done more reading on the issue in my life, and had done a lot more therapy.  So certainly my understanding of the issue was greater, although I judge that he has a good potential to heal also, as he can be focused and can take risks.

Usually I meet guys who don’t want to change or guys who are trying to change.  I don’t often meet guys who are “gay”, don’t want it, and are just trying to get through life.  I think this is something to do with me being in my twenties.  Older guys haven’t had such help available to them growing up, and in their teens and twenties, the only real option provided to them was to keep it a secret, and pretend that their SSA didn’t exist.  I imagine that for a lot of these guys the secrecy has persisted.

The secrecy must end.  It is so important to reach out for help - to take the risk.  To tell people, and keep looking, until you find someone who can truly offer some help and support.  Going it alone doesn’t get us anywhere.  So, if you’re living in secrecy, I encourage you to reach out.  If you can’t talk to a friend, reach out to an organisation that believes in change.  There are many people waiting and able to offer support.  I believe the gay rights movement had a phrase “Silence is Death”.  I concur completely - a protective silence is nothing more than a slow lonely death.

Posted in Society, To Others